How to Say No; with class and respect

Here’s how to say “no” with class and respect.

> Be Courageous

Some people feel afraid to say “no.” They may either expect a hostile reaction or they want to be helpful. As a result, they end up inconveniencing both themselves and other people.

Recognize that it is okay to say “no.” In fact, most people would rather receive a solid “NO” than an insincere “yes.”

> Decline Early

You will save time, energy, and stress by declining offers as soon as you realize that you do not want them. Unanswered questions follow us like hungry orphans, crying for our attention. And our stress increases as their numbers grow. Rescue yourself from this dilemma by making choices. Of course, agree if that is what you want. Otherwise, decline. This frees you to move on with other choices and it frees your mind to consider other possibilities.

This strategy fails for the following reasons.

1) The other person has no way of knowing what you are doing. At first, the other person may assume that you are unable to reply because you are traveling, recovering from trauma, or using a defective message system. Eventually, they conclude that you are being rude.

2) Ignoring someone is both mean and unprofessional. It hurts the other person. And that creates feelings of resentment toward you and your company.

3) This wastes your time and energy.

Take charge of the situation and tell the person “no.” For example, you can say, “I’m calling to tell you that I have no interest in your offer. Please remove my name from your list. Thank you.”

In all cases, keep the message brief, avoiding explanations or apologies. Just say “no” and move on.

The key point is that once you start a dialogue, you are obligated to end it, rather than let it starve by neglect.

> Use the Magic Phrase

Sometimes the other person wants to argue with you Or maybe you want a gentle way to decline a request from a good friend. In these cases, use the magic phrase that ends the discussion. It is: “I wish I could.”

The complete reply includes 1) an acknowledgment of the offer, 2) the magic phrase, and 3) a request or an alternative possibility.

> An Added Thought

Some people will push very hard to get what they want. They will use insults, guilt, and threats. Wave all of these gimmicks away with replies like these:

“I am still unable to accept your offer.”

“Let’s leave this on a positive note. I wish I could help. Thank you for asking.”

“That sounds like an insult. I said that I have no need for this. Goodbye.”

“I find that offensive.”

“I disagree with that.”

You may notice that all of these are polite replies to being attacked. I recommend being polite because you always want to be the most mature person in every a conversation. That way, you won’t have to call back with an apology.

Notice that rejection involves treating the other person with respect and dignity. Tell people “no” early and politely. And then move on.